I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Randomize
