if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
