How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
