just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
