We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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