I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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