Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
