I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
