I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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