I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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