A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize