Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND