Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.