My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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