you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
