Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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