I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
