i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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