All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
