Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
