Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
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Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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