Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
