he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
