I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
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i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
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True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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