They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She's like a pop up book from hell.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
