dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
