cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
