I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
