How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
