You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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