someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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