There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
