there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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