His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
