Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
