I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
