we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
