I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?