She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.