I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now