she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
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At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
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We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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