You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
