Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.