apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...