i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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