her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she looked like the before picture.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
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When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
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You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.