I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
