I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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