I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
