goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
