well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
this hospital has no fireball
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Enjoy the penises
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
