I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
