I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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