there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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