he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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