and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
