Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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