he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
