if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
