Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
