is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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