here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
