He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
