I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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