I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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