i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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