Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
