i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize