that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
